101 USES FOR A DEAD CAT

You are aware of the book '101 Uses for a Dead Cat'? Many years ago a dead cat appeared in our garden and I had to dispose of the body and just as in the book the cat was prostrate with it's tail rigid as a poker, an easy handle to pick it up with and deposit into bin bag.
Returning to St.Pons after the winter away, Husband noted the garage door was very stiff to open, he then noticed paw prints over the car roof which is habitually covered in a light coating of fine sawdust, the garage also being his workshop. And finally on leaving the garage he then glimpsed the body of the dead cat. 'Barbara, Barbara, Barbara,come and see this, there's a dead cat in the garage'-to which I replied, 'It's your turn to get rid of it, I disposed of the last one.' (Possibly 30 years ago, you tend not to forget dead cats.) I then asked what does it look like? and then thought, oh s**t that's the neighbours. Now Husband had walked into the garage passing the most obvious clue that there might be a dead cat therein i.e two long outstretched legs poking from beneath the door, the poor cat obviously expired desperately clawing for freedom. Let me further illustrate the scene, our garage door is directly adjacent to the road, it may be a quiet road but a far few people walk up it to visit the cemetery, including our neighbour, so the cries of this poor cat must have been heard by many before it's demise. The door itself is hefty and wooden and a bit rotten along the bottom and patched, typical french, a large gap in the corner had a piece of wood filling it which if anyone had tried could easily have been kicked in and cat retrieved. O.K. our neighbour is elderly and lives alone but on her frequent visits up to the grave yard she passes the Sapeurs Pompiers full of burly young men who would just love to have the opportunity to rescue something. But no, the tormented soul was left to an agonizing death and I now had to get rid of it. Bin bag ready, gardening gauntlets on, I was shocked to discover it wasn't stiff, this wasn't going to be so 'pleasant'. As I bent over it, the raindrops rolled off my hat and the movement sent me yelping and hopping exactly like those stupid contestants on 'I'm a celebrity....' that you always say to - oh for goodness sake just get on with it! Well the job was done, eventually and we returned indoors still marveling at why a rescue attempt hadn't been made and supposing how the situation had arisen in the first place. My theory being that as I always open the garage doors and then drive the car up to the top of the hill to approach at a better angle, the cat sauntered in, I returned and drove in, scared cat hides in a corner, I shut up the garage and promptly swan off for a few months leaving one trapped cat behind a door that may be rotten and patched but is in fact quite impenetrable to moggies.

But there's more.......101 uses for a dead cat, part 2..........will follow..........